Philip Goddard's Neptune the Mystic site revisited
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How spirituality took me right away from where we really need to be pointed…

Introduction — Why a new neptunethemystic.co.uk site?

Although of course I welcome ALL decent bona-fide visitors to this site, I set it up (amazingly belatedly) specifically to provide a friendly, welcoming 'bridge' for those people who'd made positive connection with me or at least my original 'Neptune the Mystic' site during my spirituality involvement, and had got cut off when eventually I let go of the neptunethemystic.co.uk domain (in 2005), together with the whole 'Neptune the Mystic' image, having transferred to the more helpfully-named philipgoddard.com domain, and very gradually from that point getting more rational, authentic and 'professional' about how I presented myself and my work.

Basically I'd naively assumed that website owners with links to pages on neptunethemystic.co.uk would promptly update those to the new domain name, at least if I notified them of the change. The reality is that even to this day some dead links to that domain remain, scattered throughout the Web, including in a fair number of mostly archived forum threads, and they each represent lost opportunities, which latter in some cases could have been potentially life-saving.

— Well, except that at last those links are no longer dead because now they connect with this site, either to its content or to be redirected to the relevant other sites of mine (music compositions, literary works, nature photos and recordings, and my pioneering Clarity of Being site).

So, in early 2024, finding that the domain was available, I decided to re-own neptunethemystic.co.uk and build this little site on it to act as that friendly bridge.

Writing content for this page has been a friendly and gently cathartic experience for me, in briefly and candidly explaining what was really going on those turbulent 'Neptune the Mystic' couple of years — the beginning of my small handful of desperate 'dark years' (late 2003 to early 2007), during which I was discovering first-hand what's really going on for a person who operates as, or at least believes or claims (s)he is, a 'spiritual teacher', guru, or 'healer' / 'Master' / 'lightworker' of any kind.

In the following little précis I give links to fill in the huge amount of information that I've not included here.

Please be sure to follow the explanatory glossary links. That's especially important, because in many cases I amend or completely redefine widely used terms. Without reading them, one would be bound not fully to understand what I'm going on about, even if one is sure one does!

Key points and phases of my bumpy ride, starting with my unexpected 'shotgun wedding' with spirituality, and onwards…

• Enlightenment — beginning of my progressive derailment (naturally some would say, derangement! )
  1997: Completely unexpectedly, became enlightened on first evening of that year, and so immediately assumed from my reading of books by various Tibetan 'Masters' that I must be on a high-level spiritual and indeed Buddhist 'path'. In reality I was right then starting to come right off the rails, because I was falling into the trap of taking on board a pile of 'spiritual' beliefs — all of them at least largely unverifiable, and based on nothing more than 'teachings', gurus' 'wise words', traditions' respective orthodoxies, and of course inner communications from unseen sources (via channelling and clairvoyance), at least some of which were supposed to be squeaky clean and reliable (but without genuine evidence that they were so).

  The enlightenment itself was not the problem; it really was a crucial and 100% positive major step forward in my self-actualization process, and indeed was later on to be a major factor in my very survival of the hilariously hideous disruptions that were to come to me in 2003–2007. The problem was my inevitable error in then letting myself get diverted into spirituality and a pile of its harmful convolutions.

• Beginnings of a Web presence, and…
  1998: Personal website — tentative tiny beginning of a site, very informal, without its own domain name (just a subdomain of my ISP's domain). Spirituality, music compositions and literary works each quite soon had their own small sections, and then functioned as though they were different sites, but all under the personal website domain.

  The same year, particular (almost eerie) circumstances pointed me in the direction of 'spiritual healing' involvement, contradicting internal reservations I had about such involvement. I took those circumstances as a 'sign' that I was meant to follow that lead. So, I joined a fairly informal local healer's group where we exchanged 'healing', and also gave it to members of the public who came to our group sessions.

• Increasing involvement in 'healing'
  Over the next few years my 'healing' involvement increased and diversified. I was very keen on it, not for the sake of 'healing' others so much as helping to clear a big pile of emotional issue I myself was still carrying, including a seemingly immense and intractable isolation / loneliness issue. I was finding increasingly that I was coming to loggerheads with various practitioners and teachers because of my penetrating mental clarity and tendency to explore and experiment rather than take on the limited and limiting view of any particular tradition. They were clearly all stuck in their beliefs and orthodoxies, while this errant monkey was trying out new things, looking askance at all those orthodoxies and indeed taboos, and encouraging others to as well.

  For a lot more about the serious issues relating to the various sorts of 'healing', see "Am I a healer?" — Explaining 'healing' and the problems it causes.

  Indeed, I was already getting myself in various teachers' and "spirituality heads'" bad-books by publicly holding up to scrutiny many aspects of 'healing' and spiritual traditions, and generally finding them more or less wanting. I was increasingly criticized here and there for my alleged 'arrogance' and 'enormous ego' because of my more exploratory and questioning approach, and especially my holding all tenets of traditions and orthodoxies at arm's length in order to find how much I could improve on the clearly limited effectiveness and shaky basis of the 'healing' methods that I was encountering.

  On the other hand, various psychics and mediums, and the odd teacher of 'healing' (especially Reiki) independently were impressed or even apparently awed by very positive indications they were picking up from and about me — though the detailed 'information' they picked up and relayed to me was in virtually all cases seriously distorted, usually to the point of fiction (primarily about purported past lives of mine — lots of high-ranking figures from our history and legends, i.e., myths).

  During that time I attended Reiki workshops and ended up with a certificate that proclaimed me as a Reiki 'Master'. Even at the time I saw that there was something very wrong about the whole business of calling anyone a 'Master', and especially in Reiki, where there was almost no discernment about who got those worthless 'Master' certificates. So, I never set up any sort of 'healing' practice, simply giving 'healing' to the odd people, usually in the form of informal 'healing' exchanges so that there would supposedly be some mutual benefit, and they'd be learning through their practising and receiving.

  I'm pretty sure that any genuine benefits such individuals got from me were not from the 'healing' at all, but from the highly insightful life-change counselling and tips I gave in those sessions, and also from my giving them at least one introductory Alexander Technique lesson, and also from my strongly positive and empowering 'vibes' — thanks to my being a no-soul person with an exceptionally strong specialist configuration.

  For a laugh I proudly present below my own Reiki 'Master' certificate — not worth the paper it was printed on! I see that the teacher (NOT 'Master', as she called herself!) even omitted the year in the date — it was actually 2001. How in the name of Beelzebub (or Winnie the Pooh, if different!) can a maximum of three undemanding workshops, with at best only the most cursory discernment as to who receives a certificate (virtually all workshop members get one), create or define a worthwhile 'healer' — let alone a healing teacher or supposed 'Master'?!

  Okay, I joke about this, but I saw time and time again that almost all people I encountered in Reiki workshops, and who were aiming to get certificated as 'Reiki Masters', were glaringly unsuitable to be practising any sort of 'life improvement' work at all on people, let alone teaching it. They were all so hung up on personal status issues, as well as wanting to get financial income out of any sessions people had with them. A fair proportion of them were very disagreeable towards me, clearly feeling threatened by the impression they were getting from my ability to 'see through' them and their seriously dysfunctional and harmful posturing and pretences.

  Indeed, the odd more aware individuals reported to me supposedly highly respected 'Reiki Masters' who'd actually at least attempted to put psychic attacks on them, presumably because of the threat they felt from those individuals' much greater awareness.

  Early in 2024 one rather moronic-seeming man who I'd encountered on a hike in the Teign Gorge, and to whom I'd given one of my 'business' cards, I encountered on a somewhat later hike there, and he then wanted to give me one of his cards, in a manner that suggested that I should be mighty impressed. — To which I replied with a distinct amusement, upon a glance at the card, Oh, my goodness, a 'Reiki Master'! Oh yes, I myself have a supposed 'Reiki Master' certificate. Not worth the paper it's printed on! I dropped all that a long time ago, because my unusual degree of mental clarity enabled me to observe for myself the harm that that and all 'healing' does — So, yes, I dropped it like a hot brick!.

  In a decidedly indignant tone he said something like I'll have you know I've helped a lot of people with that! — You really should visit my site…. I just smiled at that, because he had absolutely no notion of what would genuinely help those unfortunate people. — And then, while I was eating my lunch, he passed again, with an even more unsmiling stony stare and a cursory and indeed stony Hello again. On a subsequent hike I encountered him again coming the other way on a narrow section of track, and that time I got a stare that was not so much stony as leaden, like two pools of some great darkness, with a very 'heavy'-sounding 'Hello again'. Definitely something going on there!

  My inner inquiry on his responses points to his having a fair amount of awareness-blocking soul programming, and having been shocked at my response to his card, because no-one had cut through his unaware posturing like that before, and generally people had at least gone through the polite motions of being impressed if not awed at having met 'a real Reiki Master'. Further, my indications are that he'd instantly taken a strong dislike to me, to the point of hatred, the latter really showing in the third encounter.

  I should explain that the 'darkness' impression I got from his gaze was actually not imaginary in any ordinary sense, but something symbolic my own deepest aspects were showing me, to encourage me to 'enquire within' as to what was going on for him, though I'd got a pretty good idea even before I checked within!

  
  

• False self-image — unhealthily embroiled in 'healing' — destruction attempts get under way
  Mid-2003: I got my first dedicated web domain, neptunethemystic.co.uk, the notion of 'Neptune the Mystic' (from title of last movement of Gustav Holst's The Planets suite) as a sort of figurehead for the whole site, and, ill-advisedly, reinforcing my growing and very unhelpful self-identification as a mystic, and effectively proclaiming that self-image to the world. — Alluring but not healthy, and heading me straight for all manner of problems!

  Let's be clear, that there was nothing unusual or 'abnormal' about me seeking to present a particular (inevitably false) image of myself. Almost everyone is doing it at least to some extent, and most people are doing it a lot, without any inkling that they're doing such a thing. However, doing so is dysfunctional behaviour, always harmful, and was something that I basically knew was 'not right' when I got tied-up in the 'mystic' self-identification. I did it largely by displaying various symbols on my neptunethemystic website, and eventually even on T-shirts I wore.

  At least I didn't go in for the so-popular comical posturing by growing a long beard, supposedly to tell the world that one is 'old and wise' and some sort of authority on 'spiritual' matters, as so many individuals do. My beard always remained unpretentiously short and rounded-off, and unrevealing of any significant quirks or skeletons in that shady cupboard of mine! — Er, well, the odd friendly individuals did tell me that with my beard I looked to be the spitting image of Harold Shipman, the British serial murderer, so I guess I was in good company…

  At the same time, my involvement in various sorts of 'spiritual' or 'energy' healing was intensifying, and by late summer I'd started using sacred geometry 'healing' wands, which I naively took to be more powerful means to clear my particular long-standing emotional issues. What I hadn't bargained for was that all the evidence points to those wands and other related means having been used by those wands' maker / supplier to clear those issues by means of killing me (i.e., through various psychic attack strategies). There was a specific reason for that, as explained in My 'astral beings' — Now the scary bit: what I was really dealing with, on my Clarity of Being site.

  That's bound to sound far-fetched to many people, but for my own survival I had to use my exceptional mental clarity, free from all belief and preconceptions, to progressively work out what the eff was really going on during those 'dark years' of mine, and indeed it wasn't till spring 2007, after some 2½ years of massive and at times life-threatening troubles that I finally got suspicious enough to discard my little collection of wands like a red-hot brick, and to be pretty sure that serious foul play on the part of specific real people was involved, in addition to all the severe and disruptive interferences and attacks I'd been getting from non-physical sources.

  I recount the whole murky and sinister sequence of hilariously hideous shenanigans and how I very gradually got myself out of that desperate hole — terrifying my would-be murderer in the process! —, in the following long and highly educational exposé-narratives:

  • The 'forces of darkness' ('astral beings') — My own tough experiences.

  • Psychiatry: my personal experience — gaining fundamental insights (both parts).

  • My own self-actualization process or 'path' (both parts). This gives a broader perspective than the above two accounts, and so is of equal priority to the above two pages.

• Full clearance healings by an imminent world leader — wow!
  By the end of 2004 the shit was already making some spectacular hits on the fan. However, despite my getting embroiled in all sorts of crazy fictitious scenarios and hellish attacks given to me by my non-physical 'guidance', I had the remarkable mental clarity (i.e., particularly remarkable considering the desperate nature of the troubles), to get feeling uncomfortable about that 'Neptune the Mystic' image hanging over me and my website. I decided then to get (a bit!) more business-like and to set up a more practical and sane-sounding domain name for the site — unsurprisingly, philipgoddard.com.

  In truth, it wasn't just the neptunethemystic domain name that was bugging me, but also, more generally I was getting to feel fairly uneasy about the rather crazy self-image my non-physical 'guidance' was encouraging me to project on the site, with great over-use of supposedly 'spiritual' symbols, and my hyping myself up as bringer to Humanity of a new and more advanced form of 'healing' than any available so far, and being a great 'healing Master' — whatever one of those really is!

  That purported superior 'healing' method that I channelled was initially called Divine Consciousness Reiki, and, sadly, I'm sure I did plenty of harm to the relatively small number of individuals who offered themselves as 'guinea-pigs' for experimental 'full clearance healings' (at least, at no financial cost to them).

  A year later I renamed that 'healing' method Am Re Reiki, after the name that I eventually channelled for the new and highly problematical symbol that I'd been given in November 2003, which had initially been called the 'new OM'. — My goodness, this was all getting so convoluted! At least by then I was actually losing interest in the notion of 'full-clearance healings', and my 'guidance' — of course just the garbage in its panoply of illusory manifestations — by then was trying other tactics on me, so it was no longer pushing me on that.

  About me supposedly being an imminent world leader, to minimize duplications (search engines don't like the latter), please see relevant section in The 'forces of darkness' ('astral beings') — My own tough experiences.

• Website craziness and my daily diet of 'humble pie'
  My Self-Realization and Spirituality site (still technically just a folder within philipgoddard.com) was remaining as freaky as ever, replete with bags of crazy 'information' and story that I'd channelled, bits of which I was having to keep amending or deleting as I got supposedly correct information, which in turn of course turned out still to be wrong or seriously distorted….

  Even then a scattering of people among all the criticizers saw that I was really standing out from the crowd in a compellingly right way, in that instead of just putting forward the channelled stuff as fact as other 'spiritual teachers' were doing, I routinely cautioned that it should all be held at arm's length and treated as simply interesting pointers to things that might be true, (a) because it was unverifiable, as is all channelled material, and (b) because I was clearly getting interference in my channelling* so that I was often having to correct wrong or at least distorted info that I'd channelled.

  * Well, er, it seemed clear enough at the time, but that was only because I'd taken on at a superficial level the pervasive 'spiritual' belief that there are genuinely beneficial and 100% positive 'higher beings' that one could channel from, because my increasingly ungrounded state was rendering me increasingly gullible.

  In fact, underneath that gullibility effect I was remaining very dubious about that assumption,  because it was something I was taking on trust, and for which I had no genuine evidence. Indeed, I had direct observational evidence that was highly suggestive that there's no such thing as a non-physical being at all (higher, lower, fair or middling).

  Being enlightened myself, I didn't see any of the 'higher dimensions / realities / beings that others with strong psychic perceptions were claiming to see, but what I did perceive was simply a smooth continuum of consciousness between my mindspace and non-duality (apparent absence of concepts) — rather like pure spring water, but without the water, the spring, or anything that could be pure or impure!

  So it was a great relief when I finally resolved that discrepancy by recognising that those non-physical beings and 'dimensions' were simply illusory manifestations given to people to keep them diverted well away from understanding their own true nature.

  The point here is that actually I was not getting interference in my channelling, because there was not and never was any higher being or power to channel from in the first place! Every time I channelled or anyone else did so, each of us was getting illusory manifestations created in their awareness in order to seriously and harmfully mislead them, even if said manifestations appeared and felt to be squeaky-clean and ever-so loving.

  So, the crucial point that I finally grasped in spring 2007, and which marked breakthrough point for my getting out of my desperate 'hole', was that what I was getting when I channelled was simply malign illusory manifestations pretending to be genuine channelling from some squeaky-clean (but nonexistent) source, complete with 'interference' to help keep me trying to channel to get more 'accurate' info.

• The majority of course were no doubt regarding me as 'flaky', 'flawed' or 'broken', or an impostor (and some told me I was) because I wasn't presenting an ideal image of myself, the way that the hugely vast majority of healers / spiritual teachers do. However, a quite small minority applauded my honesty and authenticity, and the odd ones were clearly quite excited, for they saw that there was something refreshingly different about my whole ethos and outlook. Through all the difficulties I was gradually learning, and pointing myself increasingly in a direction that just might come out with fundamental solutions that no others had allowed themselves to find.

  Even back then and before my troubles broke out, I was looking with circumspection at all the teachers, highly reputed 'healers', mystics and 'spiritual teachers' who present such façades of inscrutable perfection online, and every time the same thoughts came up: Why the eff are they hiding themselves like that? — They must have seriously untoward things to hide! — What a horrible and unhealthy life they must each be living, that they cannot simply be visibly well-functioning humans, capable of creative thinking and actions, and unafraid to talk of their errors and how they learned from them! — They're 'spirituality zombies', stuck in their own orthodoxies and posturings / pretences — the lot of them!

  It was just so implausible that even one of those characters could be as perfect and infallible as they were all making out to be. — Yes, clearly they were the ones who were in deeper trouble than this here stumbling monkey, because they lacked the mental clarity to recognise that they were allowing themselves to live out the deceptions that were being fed to them from troublesome non-physical sources. Every time I stumbled I simply good humouredly put my hand up about it and did what I could to learn from that and make my life and the world just that little bit better as a result.

  The one thing all those individuals were genuinely great examples and teachers of was deception, while I was consistently being a living example of an authentic and 'self-honest' approach to even the most challenging life situations. The more challenging it all became for me, the more I let go of any (relatively minor) self-deceptions I'd taken on. That indeed was progressively scuppering the whole nefarious strategy of the garbage and certain humans under its control, to destroy me. Mental flexibility, positive motivation and creativity were all on my side.

• My biggest and most inspiring 'humble pie' of the lot
  In the spring of 2007 at last certain circumstances prompted me to change tack and drop ALL channelled material from all my sites and from my life, and that meant a huge volte face on the sites, particularly the Self-Realization and Spirituality one, which latter I took down for a week to do an intensive job of rewriting parts and being very open about the change of tack and why I was making it.

  Late in 2007 I created the clarity-of-being.org domain to house my Self-Realization and Spirituality site, with its title unchanged at that point, 'Clarity of Being' being a secondary title hovering over that site.

  In 2008 I finally bit the bullet and publicly dropped spirituality altogether, having been progressively de-emphasizing it in my life for some time by then. 'Self-Realization and Spirituality' then became 'Self-Realization and Clear-Mindedness'. It was only in 2022 or 23 that full common sense took hold and I made Clarity of Being the site's official title!

  I also rationalized my whole online presence in 2008 by giving all my other sites each a dedicated domain.

• The Clarity-Sphere — one big step forward, but ultimately limiting
  Please refer here to my legacy page on that: The Clarity-Sphere — for advanced healing and self-actualization. As I explain there, although that particular healing aid was extremely helpful for me where I was at that time, eventually I was finding a definite 'ceiling' on anyone's ability to progressively increase its effectiveness, so it was a natural that at some point I'd find a means without that limitation.
  

  Indeed, for about a year from mid-2017 I was quietly starting to test new versions of my core methods that didn't use any external aid at all, use of the Clarity-Sphere being replaced by particular tapping 'gestures' that were not 'spells', nor 'energy work', but were simple means of affirming particular deeply-sourced self-healing and self-actualization intents. Those gestures and associated intents were all designed to increase the strength and openness of one's communication channels between 'ordinary mind' and one's deepest aspects of consciousness — with the universal fundamental consciousness at the deepest 'level' of all.

• 2018 — official change-over year from Clarity-Sphere to more effective working without external aids
  The cultivating and strengthening of one's communication channel(s) between 'ordinary mind' became central to the whole methodology, really taking us into uncharted territory — amazingly welcoming and benign in its simplicity and security. That then led on to…

• Stepping out into fully uncharted territory — healing consciousness at the universal level?
  (First tentative beginning, end of 2015, though really getting going in 2018 onwards with the improved methodology)
  Yes, absolutely crazy, surely! Get me 'sectioned' in a psycho unit double-quick! — Just look at the following, and read very carefully to start understanding the enormity of my 'insanity' (or just maybe something else)…
  

  Project 'Fix the Human Condition'…

  Like it or not, THAT is first and foremost what I came into this incarnation for, and what all the apparently weird things about me and my life 'story' have been pointing me to. Read also the final main section of About Philip Goddard on my Clarity of Being site, which adds more explanation.